The death of someone close to us is one of the most significant and emotionally difficult experiences of our lives. It can sometimes leave us feeling drained and bewildered and wondering if we will ever be able to come to terms with what has happened and how we will cope with life in the future.
Everyone’s grief is their own and people deal with it in different ways but there are common elements and emotional experiences which can be identified and worked through. Some people prefer to handle this on their own and in their own way but many others find that they can benefit from some support which helps them on the road to recovery. It was with these thoughts in mind that it was decided to try to set up a group within the church as a service to members, adherents and to any others of the community including those with no particular church connection. eg people who may have asked Douglas to take the funeral of a member of their family.
The bereavement support group meets once a month (Normally the last Tuesday of the month) on an informal, relaxed, user friendly, drop in format commencing at 6.30pm and ending at 8.30pm, people can attend the whole of that time or drop in and out at any time in between.
We meet in the comfortable surroundings of the vestry with the offer of the larger church lounge if the group begins to grow. Tea, coffee and home baking are available throughout the evening. A lending library with relevant reading material is set out for people to use and at one point in the proceedings there is a short power point talk/presentation or a DVD which deals with matters relating to loss and bereavement looking at issues such as ‘understanding our feelings’, ‘the grief process’, ‘our emotions’, ‘how to handle special days such as birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas’, ‘ reliving our memories’, ‘ coping mechanisms’ and other related subjects.
This is not a bereavement counselling session. The emphasis is on mutual support as people who are experiencing similar moods and feelings offer help to one another in an informal setting. Not all the conversation is centred around grief, much of the time people spend talking about a host of other topics but they know that they can talk about their feelings in an open and honest way without fear of ‘making a fool of themselves’ because we are all in similar situations and we all understand to some extent what the others of the group are going through.
Those attending say that they are finding the meetings helpful. Some of the comments from group members include the following; ‘We can say things and share things here that we can’t easily say outside because people generally don’t want us to talk to them about our loss.’ Another says ‘I enjoy the monthly meeting not just for the support but for the social interaction, tea and conversation. It’s better than sitting at home on my own and watching the telly’ ‘I find the talks and DVDs helpful as they deal with issues I can relate to and am experiencing’ ’We can support one another because we are all in the same boat and going through the same things. Those who are further along the road can help others whose journey is just beginning’ ‘I just enjoy coming along and I find it helpful’
Sometimes we think that people are coping better than they actually are following a significant loss. We ask the question ‘How are you getting on?’ and often the reply is ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I’m getting there’ or ‘Good days and bad days’ when in actual fact the person or the family might well be struggling to come to terms with what has happened. In the bereavement group there is no pressure to put on an act. If people need to emotionally ‘let go’, that’s fine and everyone understands and no one needs to feel embarrassed. People share their experiences with others and someone else might say ‘You know I felt just like that a few months ago’ Such comments reinforce the fact that grief and grieving and all that goes with it are normal and not just something which is happening to a lone individual.
The aim of the group is to help people move through their grief and into recovery by which time the need to meet in this way will pass and people will move on in their lives and leave the group behind.
If you or anyone you know might benefit from attending the group, please feel free to come along. We think it’s an easy and friendly group to join and all are welcome.
For more information speak to Douglas (01506 204585) or to Stuart or Joanna (01506 204485).